This is a short dialogue of letters between two close friends that are situated practically half the world away from one another. Hope it is a somewhat enjoyable read – I’ll see what direction it takes itself in…
June 19th, 1951. 12 Spadina Road, Toronto
Dear Stephy,
I miss you! being alone here is so hard. Everything is getting to me. The loneliness, the damp heat, the boredom and just everything really…. I know, I know you’ll say “go back to school! go out and make friends! get something going with your life!”. Gosh I just feel lost… I never feel like I fit in, I never feel like there’s a right “set” for me. I’ve gotten tired of trying then falling back down again, every time I just land harder and harder. I don’t know…I just don’t know anymore.
I hate this putrid place, there’s nothing to do and nowhere to go, my mind is rotting away. Seasons here are harsh….I wish I could go to New York, just for a day even…to take my mind off the emptiness and at least cheer myself up a little….it’s only myself that I have left to cheer me up now.
How’s Macau? The dusty nights, hot gambling dens, theaters, street stalls, food markets, pavilions and opium houses sound so enticing and exotic. I’ve dreamt of walking on the ruins of St Paul’s while eating a stack of fishballs and chinese donut while clutching your hand with your “kei po” dress making that funny cric-crac sound as you walked in it.
I hope your grandparents are ok and that things there are coming to a settle, I fear unrest there over the Portuguese issues – please write me as soon as you can. I’ve had bad feelings…
Any word on when you might be able to come back? Please try to hurry if you can…
Write soon & love,
Emiley
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July 6th, 1951 Macau. Suet Lei Yeun, Estrada de Cacilhas.
Dear Emii,
I miss you too! I guess we’re at opposite ends of opinion here – Macau is a weird place. It’s small yet very crowded, dotted with a brothel or some house of one debauchery or another every-other step you take, people immersed in stupor or struggling for a living…. I’d much rather be sitting at the coffee shop with the flower pots on Queen Street that we sat at a few times back then breezing through the avenues on bike.
Suet Lei Yeun is a noisy and barely bearable place to live. The first floor is comprised of the larger apartments with couples and families, the second is where I am – singles and older ladies, and the third level is utilized for various purposes…I don’t wish to be privy to the details of those purposes. I hear it damned well enough at 3 in the morning. I am in a small room with a very elderly lady and her infant granddaughter, they’re nice enough but I kid you not about the fact that there isn’t much legroom. Oh well, rent is $50 avos for the half of it and I’m out most of the time at that – I’ll be happy to pay $100 for the whole room once they can situate the grandma and her granddaughter on the first floor or something.
I haven’t had a decent shower since I was last in Hong Kong, the baths here are shared and dirty, hot water isn’t always available either. And performing my ablutions in the wooden tub with boiled water at my grandparent’s just won’t work. I’ve made good acquaintance with most of the community but only have made two “friends” – Yuen Hung, a co-worker at my job as a dresser at the theatre and Lai Chi, the granddaughter of Lai Man Wai; a film actor and director – I believe he’s a Koumintang as well. They are both nice, helpful, and honest – a girl needs that in this town.
Emii, It’s up to us to create our own worlds – as nice as it would be, we can’t depend on anyone else to create it for us. I’m not happy either but I want to be – talk about feeling displaced; look where I’ve landed! I’d suggest just taking action rather than deliberating over it so much – there’s no real risk in going back to school, seeking a job, or trying to make friends – ok, yes, perhaps the risk of getting hurt feelings or feeling disappointed or being challenged is there…but, I think that’s pretty much life. I can’t say for sure – I’m going through the motions myself. But let’s make a pact – we both will move towards the proactive and stop dawdling or waiting for things to move our way – let’s move towards whatever we want instead, okay? let’s go step forward together.
Gosh I’d like to be able to go back as soon as possible too – but for the foreseeable future…. Hopefully this business about the shares in the construction company my parents have gets cleared up A.S.A.P and I can be on my way. It’s too soon to say anything one way or the other.
Have to wrap this up now…remember “May we last forever”.
Love & looking forward to your next letter,
Stephy
犬神 